when things happen first time.REJECTION.
Hey, Get Up. It’s time to RIDE life!
” Through travel, our feet learn how to form their paths, and our heart begins to beat to a different rhythm. The more time we spend away from familiar routines, the more we learn to embrace the unknown and abandon ourselves to the incredible vastness of the universe. “ This paragraph is such a great reminder for me. I have it written on my wall in my studio. It’s also like my mantra for new art collection that will be releasing in September 2023.
Since I am aware of myself I have been always thinking big. Not that I spoke about it with anyone. I was shy to tell my prosperous thoughts to my parents, because I thought I won’t be understood. My family always valued the “hard work”, which is one of my traits as well. And I love that. But they never belived in dreaming. And I get it. You know what you know by education you get. Also later on I haven’t shared it with my friends either I just lived it.
Thinking big made me always being able to dream and visualise what I could achieve on an audacious scale: with no limits in my thinking. I loved my dream world where I could get lost in the vastness of universe. I traveled to places I did not know that exisit and made my life of surreal pictures as my future that is somehow now my reality.
I never knew where I am going to end up being in this life. I just knew that I do not belong in the town nor country I was born in. I rember struggling with Slovenian language. My biggest nightmare was to understand big words that when I would read their definition I still would not know the meaning of them. I did not like the language. I couldn’t understand what I am studying in school, which was a challenge at the end but I made it through. With great grades indeed. But still. Everytime I spoke Slovenian I felt like I am lying to myself. My inner voice always told me that I will one day speak another language. Did I consciously belive in it? No, of course not. Am I speaking other language today? Yes, I am.
The truth is you don’t know what will happen next minute. Yes, you can predict, but hey, really, can you?
THE INNER VOICE or LIFE GUIDE
I always loved my intuition. And I always thought I was special because of it and that I was the only one who had it😂. I honestly believed in this because nobody ever spoke about having one until I grew up and became friends with people who have this magic as I do.
Another thing that made me unique in my mind was that I started developing in my 20s thought of “positive thinking.” Thinking big as a young kid and later on, self-belief proved to be my companion in my 30s and now in my 40s. I believe in thinking positively, dreaming big, and working hard; when these elements converge, it becomes easier to attain success.
Ok, I am going to the point of inner voice.
Do you see this painting with me standing next to it at the beginning of this letter? Ok, so this painting was a commission.
I thought I wouldn’t say this to anybody, but my inner voice is speaking to let it go, that it does deserve its story to be told. Anyway - while working on this painting, I loved seeing how she is becoming a solid female portrait. Every time I would pull the brushstroke, it empowered me and made me comfortable painting this work. I had zero hesitations working on her as in other pieces where I am questioning and reworking my work. This one went smoothly with me. But. Here is the but. Also, whenever I worked on her, my inner voice told me she should not go to the potential collector. Did I listen to it? No, the heck, I did not.
So I shipped my work to its supposed new home, and the package was a mess when it reached the destination. The tube was broken in half, and when they pulled the painting out of the tube, it was wrinkled but not broken. It had couple of small paint cracks. People who wanted a painting were devastated, but I - for some reason felt good. I was not heartbroken. I just knew I needed this painting back. Well, of course, I did not want that to happen, and I was a bit saddened that the painting was not delivered properly and continued life where it was supposed to be, but then - was the intention for this painting supposed to be in this country?
It was my first artwork that was ever refused to be collected in all these years of my art carrier. I never had this happen to me. But I guess everything has its first time too. I did learn my lesson.
Anyway, the painting arrived back to me a month and a half later, and I was able to recover her, and I am so happy that she is back with me. What’s the most interesting part is that while this painting was in transit to the potential home and back to me, I was somehow, let’s call this, “depressed” until the day I opened the broken tube and saw that she was in great condition, and that needs some loving. I fixed her and she is ready for the right person to whom she belongs.
Ciao, Ana.